


Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?

by eitHer9335



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: But Maze just acts flirty normally, Could be interpreted as Maze/Linda, Deckerstar endgame, F/M, Jealousy, Linda and Maze ship it too, Peanut Gallery, Pick-Up Lines, post-reveal, so it's up to you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 05:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17616170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eitHer9335/pseuds/eitHer9335
Summary: Maze thinks the solution is Lucifer making Chloe jealous. Linda thinks that's a terrible idea. But they both can agree that it doesn’t matter what ends up happening, so long as it finally gets those two to take the next step. They eavesdrop on a decisive conversation between the two oblivious lovebirds, and roast both of them the whole time, while, of course, loving every second of it.





	Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a prompt for the pickup line idea, but this got spun into something very different, so I don't feel a need to go and figure out who created that prompt and thank them, because this is a whole different beast than what I imagined it might be. Hopefully, it's an enjoyable one. Let me know.

“Come on,” Maze taunted. “What could go wrong? Just remind her who she’s dealing with. So easy.”

“No,” Linda retorted immediately. “That’s unhealthy, even if it works, and talking it out may be harder but it will have better results in the end.”

In between them, Lucifer rubbed his temples. He was seated at the bar on Lux, with one woman on either side, and their bickering had been going on for quite some time already.

“Some devil you are,” Maze criticized. “Your brother would be proud of you, discussing your feelings – “

“That’s a low blow and you know it!”

Lucifer’s head swiveled back and forth between his demon and his therapist as their argument escalated. He knocked back the rest of the contents of his glass, set his jaw as the argument continued, and then abruptly decided enough was enough. “Hush!” he commanded, holding up his hands. “Mortals should be very glad I have no personal interest n corrupting them, because this whole angel on one shoulder, devil on the other business is quite distracting.”

Maze pumped a fist in victory, and Linda scowled at her. “I think I was the angel,” she defended mulishly.

“Exactly!” Maze cheered. “And when was the last time he listened to anything that came from an angel?” She slapped Lucifer’s back. “Never, and he’s not going to start now. I win!”

Linda groaned. “I’m telling you, trying to make Chloe jealous is not going to go over well.”

“Trying to make me what?”

Lucifer spun around so fast he nearly toppled his barstool.  
“Detective!” he greeted awkwardly as she sat next to Maze. “So glad you could make it.” He caught the bartender’s eye and there was a drink in front of her in seconds.

“No, seriously, make me what?” she insisted. “I didn’t hear.”

“Which is probably for the best,” Lucifer recovered smoothly, adding with a smirk, “Love your dress, though there is rather too much of it.”

Chloe flushed and stammered as Maze made a gagging gesture behind her. She grabbed Linda’s arm and stood, pulling her over to the dance floor, close enough to eavesdrop but far enough away to give some semblance of privacy. “Look,” she hissed, beginning to shimmy to the music. “Look at those two. You have to agree, something has to be done.”

Linda obligingly swayed along, worrying at her lip, then nodded reluctantly. “I do agree.”

“This is why you’re my favorite,” Maze celebrated quietly, grabbing Linda’s waist and pulling her in, causing the therapist to bite her tongue in shock before she finally recovered herself.

“I mean, yes, it’s clear that Chloe’s finally ready to move on from just friendship, now that she knows about and has accepted the whole devil thing. And Lucifer’s finally in the state of mind to do the same. But making her jealous is definitely not the solution.”

Maze narrowed her eyes and leaned in. “You sure?” the breathed, lips inches away from Linda’s ear.

“As a therapist, yes,” she replied. “As a friend?” She pulled away so she could meet Maze’s eye and donned a strict face. “You cannot tell anyone I said this, but I kind of really want to see how that would go over."

Maze grinned proudly. “So much for angel on the shoulder,” she complimented. Then her eye caught on a woman sidling over to the bar, and she went tense, focused. “Yes,” she breathed. “They just can’t resist him.”

“Well, here we go,” Linda added with trepidation.

Maze nodded in approval at the woman’s curled hair and tight dress as she made her way over to lean on the bar next to Lucifer, and the two of them held their collective breath as she greeted, “Hey.”

Lucifer turned to look at her. “Hello,” he replied appreciatively, voice cool and suave, but his eyes flickered hesitantly over to Maze, who sent two thumbs-up his way and nodded vigorously.

“So, Lucifer,” the girl began, drawing out his name with a teasing smile. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

He blinked at her for a moment. Maze, wide-eyed, whipped back to Linda, who turned back more slowly, but the instant they made eye contact, they both had to muffle hysterical giggled. “I didn’t think anyone actually said that, I thought that was just a cliché!” Linda choked out, breathless, but Maze shushed her abruptly as Lucifer replied.

“It was excruciating,” he said slowly. “Pain beyond imagining.”

“Look at Chloe!” Linda gasped.

Maze grabbed at her, ecstatic. “Does she look jealous? Come on, Doc, you know I can’t do facial expressions.”

“No!” Linda scoffed. “No, look at her eyes. That’s a ‘holy shit it wasn’t really a metaphor’ look.”

Maze was silent, and Linda looked over after a moment. “Which is duh to me and rocket science to you,” she sighed. “It’s okay, Maze.”

“That’s why we work so well together, huh, Doc?” Maze attempted, and Linda smiled.

“That’s why.”

The clubgoing girl, for her part, leaned closer. “So sorry to hear that,” she purred. “Something must be done about that, to… help you feel better.”

“Not subtle, is she?” Linda commented dryly.

“What?” Maze objected. “Didn’t you hear the last three, just tonight? They all just went up to him all giggly and said something along the lines of ‘please fuck me.’ This one is being super lowkey about it.”

But Chloe didn’t seem to be appreciating the subtlety. “I’ll leave you to it, shall I?” she broke in coolly, standing up from her stool.

Lucifer’s brow furrowed.

“She’s jealous alright,” Linda asserted, clutching at Maze’s arm.  
“See, she isn’t just going, she’s waiting for him to agree that she should go or ask her to stay.”

“But she’s not sticking up for herself!” Maze agreed, frustrated. “Come on, Decker! You’re better than this!” She turned to Linda in exasperation. “Does she not listen to a word I say? I taught her better than this.”

Lucifer’s dark eyes flickered over to Maze and Linda, who watched in suspense, then to the girl and her tight dress, then down to the bar countertop. For a moment, he studied the marble.

Then he reached out and put a hand on Chloe’s arm. “No,” he told her, looking up almost shyly before his eyes flitted back to the bar. “I mean, please, stay, if you’re… okay with that.” To the girl, who looked extremely confused by now, he said, “Thank you, but not tonight. And maybe – “ with eyes directed down in some other unidentifiable emotion – “Maybe not ever.”

Disappointment filtered across the girl’s expression, and she slouched down on a barstool. “Oh.”

“I am sorry,” Lucifer told her genuinely. “Really.”

She scoffed softly and left, exasperatedly tossing her hair back over a shoulder. In a moment, she had disappeared into the roiling crowd, and Lucifer turned to Chloe.

“Detective – “ he began, but she didn’t let him finish. She jerked her arm away from his hand as if she had been burned.

“No,” she interrupted. “No, I’m sick and tired of your hot and cold, back and forth.” She crossed her arms, upset, and Lucifer gazed at her, clearly guilty. “Without fail, I get disappointed and hurt, every time you get me hoping again that we might… we might…” she trailed off, hesitating, then finished lamely, “You know.”

“I don’t, actually,” Lucifer replied, unable to resist. “We might what?”

Chloe scowled. “Liar. You know exactly what I mean.”

Lucifer sat up straight. “I am not.” Chloe raised an eyebrow at him, and he smirked slightly. “Fine. I get what you mean, yes, but I didn’t know what exactly you were going to say, so no lies. 'We might…' what sort of euphemism would you use? Do the nasty? Is that sufficiently proper for you?”

“Same difference!” she interjected, but despite herself, a smile tugged at her mouth. “I was going to say, ‘be a thing.’”

Lucifer nodded gravely. “That works. And I’ll be honest, I had given up on that too, resolved not to pursue it, for the same reason: I just kept hurting you. But… she asked if getting banished from by childhood home caused me pain, and I didn’t lie.”  
He paused, once again looking to the bar counter for answers, and Chloe took the chance to get a word in, now more sympathetic than anything.

“Lucifer, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” she told him gently, but he shook his head firmly.

“I want to.” He sat up straighter and began again. “Of course, I didn’t lie. The shame and anger and indignity and everything that came with my fall… I thought I would live with it forever. I certainly got used to it. She suggested that she could make me feel better, and I realized, she can’t. Nothing ever has, certainly not for more than a little bit at a time. Nothing in my entire existence, save one thing.” He fidgeted with his cufflinks, finishing a little shyly, “Somehow, impossibly, I found a relief from the bitterness that has plagued my existence that wasn’t temporary. And I realized that there was nothing worth more to me in the universe, than that.”

Chloe’s eyes widened slightly. “I’m assuming you don’t mean bourbon,” she replied, and though her words were irreverent, her tone was solemn.

He rolled his eyes tolerantly. “No, Detective. You know well I mean your friendship, your care, your…” he cut himself off abruptly, worried, and longer past making any pretense of dancing with Maze, Linda’s eyes widened and her mouth slid open.

“You can say it,” Chloe breathed. She didn’t look away from Lucifer, and what passed between them was indecipherable. “My love.”

He looked up at her in some shock, eyes wide and dark and scared.

She smiled back reassuringly. “Lucifer?”

His eye flickered over the intently spectating demon and therapist before he responded in a voice that trembled, almost imperceptibly, “Yes?”

Chloe swallowed, then gestured at the elevator. “I’m just a little creeped out by the audience. Shall we?”

Maze frowned, offended. “Rude,” she grumbled, but Linda slapped at her arm.

“Shhh!” she begged, and Maze ceased her harrumphing just in time to hear Lucifer’s reply, a single raw, honest syllable.

“Please.”

Chloe raised her eyebrows, shaking off the somber tone of their previous discussion. “Don’t you mean…” she made a production of clearing her throat and straightening an invisible tie, “ _Detective, I didn’t know you cared _.” Her accent was terrible, but Lucifer’s eyes went wide and he stood up from his stool so abruptly that it nearly toppled over.__

____

____

“Absolutely,” he agreed, and they walked together over to the elevator. The doors slid open and they stepped inside together, but before they closed again, Lucifer caught Linda’s eye and winked.

And then they were gone.

Maze and Linda turned to each other in steadily growing excitement. “I would call that a resounding success,” Linda eventually said, breaking the spell.

Maze whooped. “I told you getting her jealous was the right idea!” she crowed, dancing over to the bar where she drained the glass Lucifer had left behind. “Cheers, Linda! We did it!”

Linda nodded slowly. “We did, didn’t we?”

“We did!” Maze agreed enthusiastically. “We're the best!”

Linda slid into a bar stool next to Maze and her impromptu victory dance, taking a liberal swallow of her own drink.

“I bet they fuck before the end of the night!” Maze added triumphantly.

“Yup,” Linda agreed, a little morosely. Maze paused, noticing something was wrong. She bent over with her elbows on the bar, leaning in close to study Linda’s face.

She squinted for a moment, then shook her head in frustration. “Nope, not going to be able to guess. You gotta tell me.”

Linda blinked and looked over. “Huh?” she asked, confused.

Maze made a gesture in the general vicinity of her friend’s face. “What’s wrong,” she said. “Why you’re not excited that we did the impossible and got Lucifer and Chloe to pull their heads out of their asses!”

“Oh,” Linda replied. “I am happy, I guess, I just realized, now that they’re together…” She sighed and shrugged. “I am Lucifer’s therapist after all. How much more work did I just create for myself?”


End file.
